So I want to encourage you today.
I also want to inform others.
There are misconceptions that come with being a single a parent and I’ll address a few of the popular ones that pop up in conversation and on social media comment sections.
5. Black single mothers use child support money to splurge on unnecessary items that does not benefit the child or children.
This comment usually comes from individuals who has not even embarked on parenthood. Usually the comment looks like this “I don’t have any kids but my homeboy said his baby momma use all his child support on bundles and cruises” Ok. Let me break it down for ya! Usually child support is 20% of the non custodial parents’ monthly income. Well if ya homeboy working at Kroger is making $600 biweekly then how you figure 20% of that is covering $200-$300 in hair products and $500 trips to Cancun??? Let’s be real hun.. Your homeboy lying to you and neglecting to provide the details about his child being taken great care of with her own income.
Also, why is it that single mothers are expected to literally spend 100% of their earnings on their children and men only 20% and that’s acceptable?
And don’t worry I have another blog post about “court ordered baby daddies” breaking down child support paperwork and exposing what “social media baby daddies” look like. tuh! anyway!
4. Single mothers date men to seek financial help to raise the children.
I hate to break it to you but this isn’t true for the majority of Black single mommas. Nine times out of ten if she’s dating, she probably has the money and time to do so. She probably is also working in her career and doing just fine on her own. Living comfortable as a single parent is not an impossibility. It’s something most single parents man and woman tend to master after a few years and some sooner than that. Never assume a single mother is just trying to date you to help feed her children. Her children are more than likely on a full tummy when she’s headed out the door to meet her guy.
3. Single mothers are bitter.
A Large part of society feels as though just because they aren’t happy without a significant other you are probably unhappy too. Truth is not every women walking Earth needs a man to feel like she’s living her life to the fullest.
4. Single Black mothers take advantage of government benefits and also, welfare programs are chosen over having an actual father figure in the home.
EVERY BLACK SINGLE PARENT IS NOT ON WELFARE! And even if a single mother does decide to use SNAP, Medicaid, Financial aid for childcare or whatever she chooses to do, it’s not your business! There is nothing wrong with getting help! Women can’t make a man stay and raise his children and she certainly can’t force him to be a couple with her. One thing about the majority of single Black mothers for sure is she will do anything necessary for her children to be well fed and in good care. Most times to even qualify for these programs the recipient has to be employed. With the negative stigma that comes from using benefits, there aren’t a million black women turning cartwheels to stand in the long lines at the food stamp office. Stop complaining about how your tax dollars feed lazy people. It’s a lie and a terrible one too. As far as childcare is concerned, that’s expensive period! Financial aid for childcare is only awarded to working and student parents. How can you be mad at someone for trying to do better! Either way it goes, NO NOT ALL SINGLE MOTHERS USE THESE, NO SINGLE MOTHERS DO NOT WILLINGLY CHOOSE THESE BENEFITS OVER THE FATHER OF THEIR CHILDREN AND YES ITS OK IF A SINGLE MOTHER DOES USE THESE BENEFITS IF SHE NEEDS THEM!
5. Men won’t date single mothers. They don’t want ready-made families.
Lies. Lies. and more LIES!
Men have their preferences YES! There are some ignorant men who believe the above misconceptions YES! On the same Earth are a million more men who will love and accept a woman with everything she has.
From one momma to the next I’ll share with you that people are going to think you are miserable, wishing you weren’t a mother and is suffering. You do not owe society anything and you don’t have anything to prove to them. Only a parent knows the joy of watching something they helped create grow and do new incredible things. No matter how many of these misconceptions may be mentioned you know where you stand with YOU! You know your worth and you know you love what you’ve chosen to do with YOUR life! Continue to find you time and live your life to the fullest! You have more power than you think! Remain positive and graceful in all things you do and love yourself unconditionally.